P.S.S I'm in love with you.

There are a lot of things.. I find that I take for granted..
A lot of words I'll say, and wish I hadn't..
But one thing that's different, has to be finding love..
and I found it in Alexander.

No I'm not talking about your old, run of the mill , "boy meets girl" story. This is realer than most.
Is it possible? To feel so young and so in love? Is it possible to feel so sure? Am I the only one that's vulnerable..? Impossible.
We were born to tell each other, "I love you."
And, that's definitely a song already, and that must mean I get an F for originality.

But as I go about this, I'm trying not to be cheesy.

But I feel so complete..Like, you wouldn't know unless you had it. Nothing else compares but at the same time, everything you see or do just reminds you of the other person.

Now, it's been 10 months.. what almost feels like years.
But having said this.. There's not a day I don't wish to wake up to his face every morning.

He loves me for me, and his love helps me become I woman I will be tomorrow. And the next day. And the next.
I see him, and I can't see anyone else. When I sit on park rocks and look on to the horizon, all of my future is uncertain but my gaze would still look towards him.

I'll remember, how he surprised me, on our 6th month anniversary, with flowers.
I asked him "What's so special about the 6th month?"
and he would say, "Why not? It's half of 12." The roses matched the month too.

I'll remember how I got annoyed that we haven't been on a real date in months.. then one day in June, around the first week of the month (way far away from the 28th) I find myself having hot dogs and fruit that I prepared for him at the boating pond at Central Park.
And he would say "I'm sorry. Is this an ok date?"
As if he had any doubt that it wasn't going to make me smile.

Recently, we went on a 3 day trip to Pennsylvania, to help our friend Trish move in to her new apartment for gad school.
Two nights we would stay.
and two nights, I happily woke to his cute chinky sleepy face and morning breath, and it's things like that you can't help but love, no matter how silly.


I can't tell you how many time's I'd get mad or go a bit crazy and needy. Maybe it's my hormones (which is usually is), but at the end of the cold treatments and shrugging off I may do, I still would do anything just to have his face near mine, just telling me in that soft slow tone voice of his, "I love you." And though I am stubborn and won't say it right away, I hope he can see with my eyes that I'm hurt, but I would die of heartbreak if I didn't have him next to me.

Today is our 10 month. He came over and we watched "P.S. I Love You". A movie, which I thought sounded corny when it first hit theaters.
But he caught me tear up so many times.. and he continued to hold me throughout the entire film.

The story was sad and beautiful and I definitely recommend any girl go watch it with the man they love.

I love how I can be myself around him, and not think twice. I don't think I could ever love another man like I love Alex.
But for now, while he is on this Earth, kissing my cheek as he holds me and makes a stupid face to get me to look his way and laugh,
I'm not going anywhere.

If there are lonely nights where I'll delve myself in thoughts of him just to keep me company, I'll go ahead and go crazy because I know he is thinking of me too, whether I fail to realize it then or not.

But I look forward to the future with wide eyes. Because I'm not done loving him, and well face it, I won't be.When I decide to grow the hell up or not, he'll be doing it with me.



I dunno why I'm really saying all this. I'm not even sure how to really end it. I can never shut up if its about him.
I guess I just hope he knows someday That I am sorry for everything I have done and did and will do. You are the best thing that has ever entered my life and I am very fortunate. I never ever took your love for granted and I'm glad to call you my best friend, best man, best lover, best of everything.

Moral of this story is?
I love you.