I looked at the date of my last post..
11 October 2009..
You've missed a lot since then.
October 28, 2009. Who knew I'd meet the man of life.
It's been 7 months since then..Too soon to say?
Well.. A promise is a promise..
Another day is going by I'm thinking about you all the time But you're out there And I'm here waiting And I wrote this letter in my head Cuz so many things were left unsaid But now you're gone And I can't think straight This could be the one last chance To make you understand I'd do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past I'd do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? Cuz I know I won't forget you
Happy 7 month to Alexander A. Gonzales & I.
Happy 20th Birthday to Kyle Manister.
Happy Mothers Day, Birthday and Every day.. to Melody Gonzales.
Born on the same day as my mother-from-home Trish McCarthy, in 1966.
The wife to a jolly war veteran Alex Gonzales.
The mother of 5 wonderful kids:
Lyle Gahd Gonzales
Purita C. Gonzales
Mel Gonzales
Alexander A. Gonzales
Monica Gonzales
Second mother to
Xavier Fermin and.. me..
This day, May 28th, 2010.. , and the night before were the most grueling nights I can remember.
I had a test today. It's summer. The temperature was in the 50s-low 70s. Hoodie and jeans weather.
Microbiology Lab exam began at 8:30am sharp. I was 2 mins late.
Bam. Done. Counted what I knew I got wrong.. Here's hoping for an 82.. She'd be proud...
Last night I studied.. I did it because he told me to..what else could I do? I did it for him.. I will continue to do it for her..
Lab right after the test.. didn't realize it till 14 mins after wandering around aimlessly searching for people.
I fell asleep during his instructions.. I was worn out after it was done.
Went to crossroads, fell asleep from 12:14-1:34pm. Got up.. talked to Juan. Got the call..
Alex: Rememeber how I said it was my cousin? I lied.. It's my mom.. but.. I'm better than before..She's stable now.."
Hang up.. sucky service..I eat a chocolate rice crispy.
Lecture.. Head hurts from lack of sleep. Eyes a little red and weary..
I get the text around 3:34..
Alex: "She's got 2 days.."
...I rush out crying.
All the rest is a blur..
Me and my parents reach the hospital. Montefiore on Gun Hill.. by the 4 train.. trish's area..
Tears and familiar faces..
I have her mother's day present waiting for her...
Hours pass.. I visit her room maybe 3 times..
1st: broke down
2nd: talked to her, made amends, closure..love..present..promises..
3...
It all seems so..unreal.
Seeing the faces of her children.. ones I'd never expect to even feel remorse came to me and hugged me and cried on me..
"So.." I thought, "this is what family feels like.."
Shorty's like a Melody in my head..
Her name.. It's like something you're supposed to keep stuck in your head..
This..
Brain aneurysms don't happen..This wasn't CSI, this was E.R., this wasn't General Hospital, this wasn't House... I clearly was being Punk'd.
This..
doesn't happen to good people..Fact, this fatality couldn't've been more wrong.
"She has a strong heart" his father said... How DARE you mess with that.. I thought.
She was so natural and soft.. just like I thought she would be.
I still noticed the eyeliner on her.. she did both upper and lower lid.. usually like to do just upper..
Her brow pencil was gone.. she didn't need it. she has nice delicate eyebrows.
I didn't realize there was some brown in her hair.. Alex matches that.
They're too much alike.. heh..
"TITA! DON'T GO!" I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.. I wanted her to hear me..
I want to stop the inevitable.
tell me tell me what makes you think that you are invincible I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable impossible
I held her hand..
I remember when she used to hit me.. Poke me, pinch me..she's was such a filipino mom..
I rememeber how she sounds..
I will always love my nickname.. VannVann..
Alex.. call me it one more time so I can hear it..
I remember her teasing me, i remember her telling me to eat, I remember her telling me to sit down, come here... I remember her hello's, her goodbye's, her thank yous, her "huh?"s and "okayy"s.. But I'll never forget her "VannVann".
She was a saint.. Alex's elementary school friend Mike was right.
I remember her kare kare, her longanisa, her nilaga.. The cups, utencils, plates, fruits, cakes, cookies..
I remember how Alex tells me she'd always ask about me..
I remember Alex telling me "I always talked about you.."
I remember her waking around in a tshirt and undies, hah, I've seen her so natural.. I felt like part of their family..
How badly I want to be a part of their family..
I wanted her to be my mother -in - law.. just so i could have the excuse to call her mom.
She was pretty and sweet. Kind and bubbly. Spunky and real.
I loved her laugh.
She knew more about me than my own parents combined..
She took me as one of her own..
I felt like myself around her..
God, I grew to love her..
I'm so honored she liked me...
Alex's kryptonite..
Alex's puzzle piece
The family's backbone
His dad's best friend..
The most beautiful woman..
I'll do anything for you Kill anyone for you So leave yourself intact 'Cause I will be coming back In a phrase to cut these lips I love you The morning will come In the press of every kiss With your head upon my chest Where I will annoy you With every waking breath Until you decide to wake up I've earned through hope and faith On the curves around your face That I'm the one you'll hold forever If morning never comes for either one of us Then this I pray to you wherever I'll do anything for you This story is for you
I know I'm not her child..
Alex.. I saw your face and I've never felt so vulnerable..and scared and unsure and useless..
Mel..I never thought I'd hug you in my life.. you were always so strong to me
Monica..sheesh..not you..You're a powerhouse..I couldn't watch you lose it..
Purita..i see her in you..you're both so beautiful
Lyle.. baby lyle..How I wanted to make this all one big dream just for you..
Stories were exchanged..tears came and went..
But It was time to say goodbye.
Her heart fights it..but
......
Melody Gonzales mother, wife, friend, saint. 12 April 1966- 28 May 2010.
I will miss you forever and always.
I could go on for a lifetime..
And I hope your spirit does the same.
Watch over us.
I promise to love Alex for all time and care for the rest of the family as much as I can.
I know Im not on your level, but I'll try my best to love them as you did.
I will work hard for you. I will always keep you in my thoughts.
I'll be here waiting.. Until you decide to wake up.
Love always Tita.
-VannVann
p.s. I'll try to love my family as I loved you and yours. For your sake.
